I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
If I die, sorry about rent.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
