She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
