oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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