to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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