ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
