I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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