dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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