Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize