I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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