Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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