i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
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