We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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