Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
