someone get that fucking seahorse.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
