he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Randomize
