So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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