I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
