meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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