is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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