You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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