I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
