I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
