do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
