the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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