bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize