i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
