I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
