woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
