Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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