Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
