'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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