WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
