i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
