This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
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