my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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