His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
