i wish starbucks made bloody marys
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
