I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
