when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
