i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
