apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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