Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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