you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
