Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
