the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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