guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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