Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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