we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
