Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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