This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
