I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
