I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize