Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize