Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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