totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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