If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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