found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
