we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
