I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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