How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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