so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
