I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
My vagina is officially offended.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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