dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
