Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
