I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
We need to get me chipped asap
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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