No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
honey bunches of taint.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
