Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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