i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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