He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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