filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize