She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
