no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
