Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
