I want to have your abortion
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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