How'd it feel making her break her religion?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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