school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
