i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
