And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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