I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize