you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
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