I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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