I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
