plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
