carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
You're like the curious george of whores
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
