My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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