Slut skills are useful in every country.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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