Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
