When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
