We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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