Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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