I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
