if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Every concussion has its silver lining
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
