He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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