dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
