dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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