If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
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