shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
