You were right. It hurts to walk today.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
