got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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