There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
